I don't think you understand....

Though some of you might... But I am experiencing the happiest time of my life. It literally brings joyful tears to my eyes. I stare at my wife while she's asleep. I watch my son canvas a park or swimming pool. I listen to my heart beat strongly. My senses are keen. My mind is strong. I'm learning and growing. And I'm happy.

I reflect on those experiences with my friends of the past and I know what I was doing in that time was filling a void in my life with temporary moments of satisfaction. I drowned my sadness in alcohol. I kept myself busy with clubbing and partying. I was the king of the social scene but a peasant in my own happiness.

But these past years have been amazing. I've grown so much and I'm so proud of myself for that. I married one of the most intelligent, beautiful, perfect (for me), amazing women in the world. She's my best friend. And I'm learning what it means to be vulnerable and strong and proud and proactive and everything else great that women bring into a man's life - because of her. And on top of it all, she raises my son with such an enthusiasm and fun spirit. Shoot, I have to up my game! lol

These are amazing times and I'm blessed that they won't ever stop.

I don't think you all can understand. There are words in this language to really explain it. So, I'll leave my attempt at this simple blog entry.

I pray everyone is out there feeling love and happiness. It's the absolute best feeling in the world.

Hump Day Success

With the guidance and experience of my wife, today, I was able to work my first real estate deal successfully! I'm pretty proud of myself and more proud of my wife. The saying goes "the student is a direct reflection of the teacher." I am humble enough to see that my wife's wisdom in this area was something I needed to draw from, something I could use my adaptability and listening skills to strengthen the partnership and MAKE THE DEAL!

I feel like this is the beginning of a very successful future in teaming up to make a lot of great deals!

Here's to WINNING.

fin.

It. Is. Done.

Graduation. The day I had imagined for many years. The answered prayer to a leap of faith that I took 5 years ago when I left a job a loved and challenged myself beyond what I ever could have imagined. The opened door to my family's financial stability. The ending to a story of struggle. The day came and went and I'm so thankful to God for allowing me to see it!

I did it!

The day - though it didn't materialize like I would have wanted it - was actually so much more beautiful and awesome than what I had conjured in my mind. It was met with so much excitement, a small bit of anxiety, and pride in my creation. I had my favorite coffee beverage to energize my early morning commute to the convocation center. And from then on, I rode the beautiful high that accomplishing a huge goal brings. (I later sat with a full bladder during the program - but that's not really the point. Lesson learned. haha)

There are some experiences in this life that I feel like I fell into or agreed to take part in to the pleasing of others. But Pharmacy was a conscious choice of my own. It was a bold step in the direction of what was uncomfortable, just out of my reach. But I decided to put my fears aside and trust that if I did my part, God would provide increase for me where I was weak. Sure enough, he has carried me through the tough times!

I left every ounce of myself in that pharmacy school. Every bit of energy. My time. My talents. My essence. I made sure that when granted an opportunity to chase my dreams I would pay it forward by exhausting myself in every aspect of that experience. There was not one organization that I wanted to join that I wasn't a part of. No research opportunity, conference or health fair went without my involvement. I literally did it all!

I have NO regrets.

Maybe that's why I feel so fulfilled within the realm of pharmacy. Because I emptied myself out and was given so much refueling in return. I feel prepared to come into my own as a clinical pharmacist. I feel confident in my clinical knowledge. And I'm excited to give so much of myself to the profession.

Here's to making so many solid connections over the years. To meeting the most amazing, dynamic, professional, intelligent individuals on the planet.

Make a spot for me in the annals of time. Because I'm about to make a difference in this world!

I present to you all: Mr. Johmyrin J. Johnson, BS, M.B.A., PharmD

Watch out!

An Ode to the Prince

I think about you.

Frequently. 

I want the best for you. And I've given you a name that represents strength and courage alongside care and compassion. 

My first heir. My legacy. 

To be honest, I still don't know what that means. But none of that matters. 

I want you to be highly educated, wise beyond your years, an advocate for those who are less fortunate and prolific beyond comparison. 

You'll have your mother's heart for people - entrenched with my love for the plight of humans. We want you to save and practice patience. Be kind but opinionated. Giving but diligent in your practice. Happy but in control of your emotions. 

I want you to be strong. Because I'm strong. 

You're the big brother to future creations. A lot rests on your shoulders. But I have full confidence that you'll lead the pack and make us proud. 

Be bold. 

Injustice is great. So fight with a tenacity that challenges it at every appearance. 

Explore the world. There so much to pray for, but even more to love. Sunsets, chocolate chip cookies, doodle bugs, playdoh, acai berries, Egyptian pigeons.... So much. My writings do it no justice. 

Love life. 

Make mistakes and learn from them. Know that ALL things work together for your good. You can't "lose" in this life. But make sure you live for the service of others and that you remain humble in your examination of yourself. 

I love you son. I love you because of your excitement to get here. I can't wait to meet you. We'll take it day by day. Though your mom and I have lofty goals for your life, I'm sure God's plan for you is simply amazing. 

Here's to your arrival. Your beginning. 

My heir. 

Brayden. 

Daddy loves you. Mommy loves you. But God loves you most. 

fin.

To Bean

That's what I call you. I know your real name though. And its just as amazing as you are going to be.

You have my skin tone, and your mother's features.

Hair as dark as night and a spirit as gentle as a calm wind. As a child, I would sit in the grass in my backyard and feel the earth beneath me and gaze at the clouds above me. I would just lay there in awe at how great this world is - and how small I am in it. It's that same feeling I get when I think about your existence. Love materialized into human form that is growing, developing every day.

I saw your dance for me. You're gifted - already. A natural performer. I promise to make sure that you have every opportunity to do any and everything that you want to do in this life. Because I just know you are going to be great.

Your heart beat is strong. Don't lose that. Don't lose your love for life - even in the midst of your mistakes and sins. God loves you and has placed you here for his glory. I'll do everything in my power to ensure that you grow up knowing that I'm your papa but that even when I'm gone to heaven you'll have built a firm relationship with your eternal Father. He'll see you through all your days.

I promise to love your mom, unconditionally. To show you what marriage is and how to achieve that for yourself one day. I'm still learning Bean. And I won't stop learning.

I can't wait to do Daddy-Bean sleep overs, days at the park, streetcar rides to the Aquarium, the zoo, and celebrate your birthday in such special ways. My heart just isn't big enough for the love I have for you.

Get ready to fall in love with music and art, languages and most of all, The Lord. I'll do my best to protect you from the world's harsh and unkind people. I hope to teach you to love your enemies and I know your mom will instill in you a genuine care and concern for others. I'm excited about that most.

We're a team, Bean. Never forget that. We'll have your back and we'll cheer you on in whatever it is you want to do in this world. In us, you can be yourself.

Mommy and Daddy love you.

We'll see you soon.

Papa

The road to hell is paved with good intentions

I'm listening to the words of the minister replay in my head - "The trials of today are shaping you into the triumph you'll have tomorrow." I gotta believe this right now because otherwise I'm gonna slump back into the cave I had walked out from a long time ago. I just have to believe that God can fix any problem that I have - as long as I put all my time and energy into doing so on my end. That he knows my heart is different than it was in the past. And that I can humble myself to make right any wrong I've caused.

Just this morning I prayed for God to create in me a clean heart and renew a right spirit within me. I guess I've received an answer to my prayer.

Lord I have so far to go in understanding this life I'm living. I pray that you remove my ignorance and instill wisdom and knowledge, self-awareness and discernment. Allow me to always reflect preemptively on whether my actions will impact others negatively or if they are based on faulty assumptions. I need you now, Lord. Right now.

-Joh

C'est La Vie

I'm praying so hard to have an enjoyable, peaceful break. But I guess that prayer has fallen on God's deaf ear. hmph.....