I've wondered, time and time again, what I would say to you. What words could I use that you wouldn't completely block out. You're stubborn. And though you're bright, conscientious and reflective, what could I say that won't sound preachy. You hate preachy. But I would be remiss if I neglected to let you know the basics - at least the basics.
That is, I love you. No really, listen to me - I absolutely love you. The people who tell you this really mean it. They love you. Not because you're a good student who doesn't get into much trouble. Not because you're on the football team. Not because you're any more special than anyone else. They love you just because. You'll come to cherish this later. It's a love you'll learn to give to others. It'll make you different from your peers.
At this point, you haven't really made a mistake. You define the world through rose colored glasses, a perfect lens that only shows the good. But your world will come crashing down soon, and you'll need to let go in order to make it through. The good news - you're victorious. You win. You survive. The bad news - there is scar tissue that you'll carry from this into adulthood. But there are some things I want you to remember that will help you - us - to take those first steps to grow.
We lose "mama" this year. Our grandmother, our rock. The person who had you recite "Hey, black child" more times than you can recall. The woman who told white lies to protect you, who spoiled you against your parents' wishes. Yes, her. She leaves you - us. I want you to cry. I want you to actively miss her so that the dreams I experience now are not so riddled by her presence. Let her go. Get angry - for once. Be envious of those who have grandmothers. I don't care what it is. Just feel. I give you - us - permission to feel. And when she's on her deathbed and you're asked to tell her your final words, speak confidently and let her know that you love her. Let her know how much you mean to you. What she has given you these past 16 years is a confidence only a freed slave can appreciate. Let her know this!
You're going to start dating this year. You'll be asked to many proms and winter formals. You'll find yourself a magnet for the young ladies. You'll think about and want intimacy with a woman more than ever before. Don't fret. In due time, all of this will happen. The acne will go away. Your second growth spurt is just around the corner. You'll appreciate it later - but for now, just prepare to buy bigger shoes. And you'll become a fairly good driver - with the exception of that speeding ticket. Shhh. it gets pulled later. :-)
You'll lose some friends as you transition from High School to college. But, I want you to enjoy this time as if these were your last days. You'll look back one day and smile, a very pleased expression confirming you exhausted all outlets for fun and excitement. You need that. Don't worry. You'll make new friends and lose some of them too.
Don't put as much confidence in your physical appearance as you do in your faith and intellect. You develop a keen logic during this time but you won't fuse that with emotion until many years later. It's okay. What you bottle up now will make its way out of you, through the tear ducts of your eyes and the vibrations off your vocal cords. You'll be whole one day. Just give it time.
Don't be afraid to love God. I know you don't understand life. And the sheltered parts of you can't conceptualize struggle. But, you'll lose. You're a chemist, my friend. A brilliant chemist who will one day change the world. And the house you are moving into is about to be the brithplace of your love affair with chemistry. This won't be your home for long. Actually, after these years, you never look back.
A young lady will come into your life - Antoinette is her name. Treat her well. If you can avoid being a selfish brat with her, do so, though something tells me you'll fail at this one. But beleive me, things come full circle. You will love her. She'll lay the foundation for you to become a true romantic. Let her challenge you, change you for the better. Those late night conversations will be but a forecast of what is to come. Love and enjoy this time. It's going to teach you a lot.
Lastly, I want to address your (our) fears. People will die - but they won't do it to spite or abandon you. They do it simply because God has a greater plan for them - and you. You'll witness young and old pass away. Michael Jackson won't live to see 100 like you think. Real R&B will fade away and these years will become a memory. But approach it all head on! Be bold. Be free! When you're heart flutters due to apprehension, use that fear to catapult you to become greater, better.
We are victorious in the end. Remember that. We are successful in the end. It's our destiny. We are open to love in the end. Imagine that!
I love you my friend. God loves you.
You'll be just fine.
We'll be just fine.
