Pretty Little Liars...

She turned to him, gazing upon his face. With the simplest smile, she places the pomegranate in his hand. "Eat it. A friend says we'll be wiser for it," she encourages. Without the slightest hesitation, young Adam swiftly lifts the fruit to his lips, piqued with hunger. He bites. The space around him begins to move slightly faster than his once beautiful wife who is standing in front of him. And yet, even she appears different. His body goes limber and he begins to fall. He closes his eyes and awaits the feeling of the impact of his head bouncing intensely off the ground. Later, he is awakened - a voice unfamiliar. His wife's face greets him in a sad, tender tone. "Wake up, dear." He's surprised. Yet, the bitterness he tastes is new, unfamiliar, terrible. He is angry. Something has gone wrong. This was not the promise she had made him.

It's always the ones you trust. And while I don't blame Eve for being tricked into sin, I still think the strong message from this story is one that alludes to the fact that the only lies that truly change relationships are those told between friends.

This is not to say that strangers don't do sufficient damage by their lies; It just feels different, though. I can easily brush off the lies of individuals with whom I haven't had shared experiences or don't necessarily encounter on a daily basis. Those people who rarely show up on my phone register or whose last names escape me in casual conversation. You get what I'm saying?!

Lies from a stranger sting but the lies from a friend hold more weight than one's universe can usually compartmentalize in one sitting. At least, that's the case for me.

Just as deceit separated man from God, so too do lies build true wedges between friends. Aside from the biblical allusion, how pitiful must one be to fulfill their immediate needs with a reality created to suit only their prescription! And yet, as soon as they are exposed, liars wonder why they are alone.

Don't confuse this entry or any others that I compose with judgmental rhetoric aimed at pointing out any one person. I've lied. So, I have no place to judge. However, I am learning that I need to surround myself with people who are, at least, trying to practice some form of integrity among friends. My only fear is that there aren't too many people left out there.

Nevertheless, I'll press on. I'm looking for that truth that no man can conjure up - the kind that truly makes you free. I just hope I don't have to make this journey alone.

Here's to you Adam and Eve.... you simple fuckers.

fin.

The Cognitive Dissonance of Forgiveness

–noun Psychology .

anxiety that results from simultaneously holding contradictory orotherwise incompatible attitudes, beliefs, or the like, as when onelikes a person but disapproves strongly of one of his or her habits

A phrase coined by Leon Festinger, a noted Psychologist, cognitive dissonance is a phenomenon that characterizes a person's mental state where what one believes is in opposition to their actions and feelings. It has become my excuse for people of the world who have told me that they are trustworthy and honest and that they show integrity but in actuality do the exact opposite.

I do this to avoid calling them FUCKING LIARS. 

Let's be totally clear about two things: 

1. I've lied before and have admitted it. 

2. I've lied before and will never admit it. 

I'm definitely not perfect - by any means. I've told my share of lies - both big and small - BUT the difference between me and most people out in the world is that I have an extremely difficult time lying to people who I know and love. My mom - haven't lied to her since I was 12. I just can't bring myself to do it. My friends - I never have a reason to be dishonest with them so it's never a matter of protocol. The guy on the corner who asks for my loose dollar - sir, you will get lied to. 

But I've inherited in this time, a bunch of people I who wear masks of trust, safety, and security - all to reveal how poor in character they really are as people. But why me? Sounds juvenile. But I'd really like to know why people think its okay to tell me lies just to "impress" me or to maintain an image. AND every single time, I've gone back and shown genuine forgiveness. 

However, as I enter into my first year of pharmacy school. my priorities have changed. My tolerance for the dumb shit is at an all time low. I know my purpose on this planet and I just don't have the time to share that with people who aren't worth my time. And yet, through forgiveness, I have come to realize that I show a great amount of cognitive dissonance! 

See, I forgive as an investment in my own forgiveness by God the father. I usually have to couple this with forgetting, letting go of all the anger, pain, heartache, feelings of distrust, etc. And yet, I have moments that, though i've forgiven these people, I want nothing to do with them. On the contrary, there have been some "friends" who have lied repeatedly and my heart just won't let me alienate them from my life. SHIT! 

Maybe I'm no better than those who experience cognitive dissonance. I happen to exhibit all the signs. Ugh. 

I just can't win. I guess I'll have to hold people at arm's length until they can prove themselves worthy of the title "friend."