The Paradox of Relationships: A Man's Perspective

I choose my titles carefully.

The one message I want to impart to my readers is that I am indeed a MAN who is giving his perspective on relationships - not a boy hypothesizing about things which he has seen only on TV or through the eyes of friends who have staggering maturity levels as well. I've lived enough to have strong conclusions about things. Just thought I'd share them with the world.

Relationships are indeed a paradox.

So much so that it shouldn't be a surprise that they don't last too often and the rarity of longevity (i.e. marriage) is celebrated with immense amounts of pomp and circumstance. Well, it doesn't surprise me. But I think as a man, there is a part of me that has checked out on friends who hold this childish belief in prince/princess charming being out there, waiting to be found so that they can live happily ever after. Wait. Let's be more specific. There are FEMALES out in the world who are waiting, trained up from toddlers how to be codependent, helpless, feeble brained, successful-enough housewives-to-be. And because we socialize our young girls to emulate the Nicki Minaj's of the world, they continue to search for a dream that they could get if only they invited the chase, and made a real man work for the price of her heart.

Females like this don't exist. Free-males enter stage left.

It's a paradox ladies. A man, not a boy, will never ask more of you than he is willing to provide at least 3-4 times for you. The sense of security he'll give you is only a supplement to what you should already have developed in yourself. And sex - doesn't exist. He wants to make love to your mind first, penetrating your passion with sweet everythings and soft nothings, supporting your wettest (and driest) dreams by anticipating your needs over his own. He is satisfied when you are satisfied. He holds on by letting go and he imitates God's promises to man by making only those for which he can exclusively provide.

But please don't be fooled by the rhetoric. I'm a real man from a "broken" family. The model for stability in relationships for me doesn't exist. But I refuse to use the simplistic nature of my upbringing as a crutch upon which my desired paradox shall be crushed.

Yes. I said it. I want the paradox. Because paradoxes are hard to maintain. They are challenges to manage and they are inherently difficult to comprehend. And yet, the beauty of a paradox lies in its ability to be transparent to those who exist within it.

I understand it won't be easy. But it makes it easier for me to assume that maybe a little more that 10% of women in New Orleans have standards, class, and self-worth. That I can't simply send a text at 3am and get a positive response for sex. Ask ANY REAL MAN! In a world where everything is McDonaldized, fast, made-to-order - it's refreshing, new, intriguing and sexy to find that one woman who won't let me "have it my way." Thus, the paradox. And ladies, don't fall for the hype. Those of us who cheat do so because we haven't accepted the paradox. We've reneged to what is easiest for us over what's worth our time. She (or YOU) is temporary and a barbershop jumpoff story AT BEST. The real men stand apart. There's not much that can intimidate us. We want the paradox because we can't live a life with much less!

It saddens me really. I know very few women whose standards are so high. Maybe a move to a metropolitan city can help me out a bit. It's that or I'm going into the monastery!

Until then, I'll continue to search for the hard-to-catch real women. All you other heauxs can continue to settle and act disappointed when the reality you create becomes the painful life you have to live.

my three cents.

fin.

Same ole, same old...

Hell for me is not a fiery pit of pain and anguish. Instead it would be a life of opening my ears to the same people with the same bullshit everyday for an eternity. And while they are okay with the fact the cyclical nature of their issues usually points at a fault in them, I can do nothing but listen. Ears bleeding, eyes wide open and listening. The thought causes a single tear to roll down my face. Okay, Maybe, it doesn't. I was adding a hint of drama. Nevertheless, I digress. 

I've outgrown many of the people in my life. And though I hate the phrase, "Eagles fly alone," it seems very apparent that the more one grows in this world, the more isolated he or she becomes. Honestly though, how many times is it okay to listen to the same lame song about people's fixable problems without snapping on them about the reality they exist in!? I want to be a great friend, yet, a part of me feels like I've enabled some of the people in my life by just listening.

Well, I'm no longer doing that. Because it frustrates me to a degree that almost feels like anger. And I don't get angry. So, before I go down that road, I'll take myself out of the equation first. 

Case in point: I've had several friends in the same financial situation for quite some time. They drink and party and want to "live the life" but complain about being broke. About working at 'shitty' jobs. About not having a degree. Or friends who have the same questions about their faux relationships, how they can't bag the chick or dude that they're cheating with, etc. etc. etc. Or the friend with body image issues (pause) Let me not even elaborate.

What I'm learning is that I've extended my thresholds to a point that has made people way too comfortable with me in their lives. And that ends now. I literally told my mom today, if I can predict the nature of your rant about your siblings, its probably because YOU have done nothing to change things on your end. Learned helplessness is an enabler's best friend. Used so often that you neglect yourself, your time, and your happiness. Unfortunately enough for my friends, I am NO LONGER taking applications for this particular job. And I refuse to be helpless to the emotional leeches in my life. 

I guess what I've had is a revelation. My ear is closed to any banter that is not grounded in solutions-based resolve. I get you. Sometimes, people just need to vent. And that's fine. But its not fine all the time. We (humans) have full capacity to make this world work for us, to tip the scales in our favor. And yet some of us remain in a rut while we maintain friendships that do nothing to facilitate growth out of that rut. 

Well, you can count on this: I am not longer entertaining that same old bullshit.