It feels like I've stared for several years in pond water, foolishly trying to capture a glimpse of the real me. A glossy fractured image of a once focused, vibrant, energetic me lay somewhere in the dense folds of nature's calm. There have been times when I've dared to look away, to see that maybe what the world is showing me just might not line up with who I really am. But, I've been a coward - afraid to tap into that which was infused in me a millennium before I was the faintest concept of my parents' love.
And yet, I saw it last night. I recklessly and intentionally looked away from the pond water, finding myself in a room of mirrors. Large cascading mirrors that surrounded me, threatened me with the truth of who I really was against the person I had become. It was in a single moment of vulnerability that I found MY truth laying between the facade of me and a portrait I keep to remind me of my innocence.
There it was.
There I was. Am.
So many relationships, friendships, and connections I have made with people have been founded under the guise of someone who isn't me. I've been so closed to mostly everyone. And my practices as a person haven't aligned with my character. I've hurt people - some intentionally. I've entertained foolishness at the cost of friendship. No more. I've become lazy, unmotivated and out of tune with that which is greater than me. That ends today.
I'm tired of being one of those "daddy wasn't there" kind of people who let their life's story be less than a powerful indicator for change and appreciation. I want to go beyond what my foundation is and write my own story. I guess it's no coincidence that I'm embarking on my passion through pharmacy.
Clarity and purpose must go hand in hand. I've got both - now. My heart is open to love, though I am not forcing it. My mind is going to be enriched by more literature and study than social media and foolishness. I am pushing my body's physical self to the limits! It's as though I've been reunited with an old friend.
So, let me introduce you to me, the real me:
Johmyrin Joshua Johnson.
