I've never known the truest love of my father. He's been a financial backing for me which has been great but I am heatedly envious of my friends who have their fathers as active participants in their lives. Mine loves me. I know he does. He was just never conditioned to express love so he does not know how. I inherited the backlash of this.
America has oversensationalized the "single-mother" success story. And while I applaud mother's who can raise their children alone, I am a fervent believer that it takes two complete parents to raise a child. I find that even friends who are raised with both parents can have a father who is so dejected from emotional display that it feels like he really isn't in the home. So, how am I distanced from God and how does this tie in with the family unit? Glad you asked!
Think about it. Young men who have fathers that are very emotionally expressive and who model strong fatherly behavior are more likely to fully understand the love of a "male" God who wants and has everything good thing in store. And while my father is there financially, I consider myself a product of a single parent household. So to understand or believe that there is a man, a God who has my best interest at heart is like asking me to speak French to a Portuguese woman with the intention on her understanding me. Its difficult. I believe the church has missed it. We focus on "getting black boys off the streets" but do they truly understand that why these boys can find solace and peace as a part of a gang but not find faith in the love of a fathering God. I believe its a simple examination of an even simpler phenomenon. Fatherless boys are less apt to believe in a Fathering God because they have never had a tangible example to see as a model. At least that is the case for me. I struggle - Lord knows I struggle with this. Sometimes it brings me to tears just to believe that a man could love me like God does. Its such a new feeling. Its fresh and invigorating and it makes me relieved to know that maybe I wasn't cursed with having an emotionally vacant father. But then there are times when I simply don't understand it. I can't wrap my mind around how or WHY a God would want to take care of me or love me or have high hopes for me because I am so removed from the environment where these are possibilities. I am not sure that I will ever figure it out. Or that I want to. But I do know that if I need to grow in faith and eliminate the distance I feel was innately created between myself and God, then I need to get to the root of all this. UGH!!!
I can't wait to start writing this book. I need to examine this deeper.
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