God grant me the serenity....

As I sit here, contemplative of this life I am currently living, the serenity prayers seems to ring volumes in my ears right now. I'm growing up - in my relationship with God, and this is the first time I have been able to really see that. As an adolescent, I used to break out in the worst hives, a clear sign that I was anxious for something to happen or a change to come. My body's way of responding to undue pressure and stress I placed on it. This was a clear indication that I needed to stop and force myself to calm down. And for most people this would be a simple task. However, I can remember it taking me more than an hour to actually see the hives disappear. How can a kid so young and innocent be so confused and worried about this outside of his control?

Well this carried over into adulthood, though my body's physical response is very different. Weirdly enough, a few months back I had a hives outbreak. And it literally scared me to sleep. When I awoke from the emotional fatigue, I prayed the serenity prayer:

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

What a difficult prayer to pray! For a worrier like myself, someone who is constantly processing events and outcomes, this prayer is almost mental/spiritual suicide. It casts me in a position to forsake a natural part of me, the faithless part. But, at that moment, I needed to be free of worry. 100% faithful that if God promised to take care of my problems for me, then all I needed to do was wait on him. Such a powerful prayer. 

So, as of 2010, I'm living each day in its appropriate context and taking the woes of life just for what they are. There's a song that says, "Weeping may endure for a night, Keep the faith and it will be alright - Trouble don't last always!" Well, I'm actually trusting that God's going to cause the increase in my life. I need him to do so. I need change. 

And so i will continue to pray that prayer because right now, it's all I have. I'm looking for growth in every area of my life so that I can rise above the issues and enter into this next phase with God before me. 

Till next time. 

WHO DAT!