my tears are sometimes all I have to remind me of the person that exists underneath this mask. see, I've always been told I was handsome, good-looking, even sexy. these were always followed by "oh, he's smart" or "God, he speaks well." if what you hear everyday of your life is a compliment about your physical appearance, then at some point you'll reach a fork in the road. you'll decide to put great stake in what people feel about your physical appearance and let it take over your life OR you'll dig deeper and find there's more to you than ever imagined.
i recently saw this woman on Oprah who decided to let the world see her disfigured face for the first time. she had been mauled by a gorilla that basically took no caution in trying to make her face his lunch. Messed up! But it got me wondering, if tomorrow, my face were mauled would I still have the same friends? would I be accepted by family? how would my church respond? you'd think the answer to all of these would be some flowery, positive answer in the affirmative. but unfortunately, this is NOT the case. i hang with people who are considered "beautiful" by american standards. and though I know they love me, I am not sure that they could stand to be around me.
essentially my face does not take away my personality or my intelligence. it doesn't diminish my care and concern for people or my undying love for chemistry. but without it, I feel like I would be nothing. that's crazy, huh? something so temporary and changing can hold so much power. well, i want to take the focus off of my face and more on my intellect, my care, my passion. i won't hide behind these intangibles but i am placing more emphasis on them. its the only way that I feel I can reconnect with God, who loves me for my flaws and my persistence and my soul's ability to love. i am tired of impressing man. i need to start falling in love with the inner me so that I show God I am a good attendant to my temple. that's a blessing i couldn't ask for more.
so, here it is 2010. i am maintaining the physical only to show an outward expression of the spiritual. as it grows, so will I. however, if you see me less than what you expect, know that i don't care. i am not looking to impress you - only free myself from your insecurities projected on me.
peace.
You pose a great question with "will people treat me the same if I LOOKED different?" Your answer is frank - "No." So true!
ReplyDeleteI can attest that when looks and even reputation stain peoples' perception of you, the ones who had your back at one glorious time will suddenly disappear. When the six pack and the Adonis-like physique turn soft and "average" in American standards, the people who worshipped the ground you walked on will no longer be there.
Staying grounded, as you seem, should be the most attractive asset you'd want to posses. I always say, if a person can turn my mind on .. the rest is a given. The only way to do so, is to show me they're not trying to get the rest FIRST.
Unfortunately, it's human nature to let physical attraction cloud your vision of the person within. However, a good rule of thumb is to step back for a second, re-evaluate your infatuation and see if it's any deeper than looks. If not, move on. Pass a compliment, but leave it at that. Sometimes stepping back for a while can open your eyes to the person's inner qualities that aren't easily visible.