Insomniac thoughts at 4am

My mom has a prayer line (she and a group of women get on the phone and use their combined faith to pray to God about their sins, heart's desires, etc.) Of course, I am up at 4am, the hour of prayer. While I try to scaffold about 20 different thoughts that run through my mind, I hear my mom talk about asking God for specific things and writing those things down so that I can have a tangible record of those things, a way to sorta hold myself (and I guess God?) accountable for certain promises we make to each other. I'm understanding more now that this religion thing is a relationship - just like any real, tangible one I've encountered before.

Anyway, I turn to my blog. Its just the simplest place that I can deposit all this shit in my head - a good outlet for my emotional and mental obsessing. One day I'll be able to let go of thoughts on my own and compartmentalize them like "regular" folk but until then, this blog and my physical journal will have to do.

So, as I look toward 2010, I would like God to bless me with the following things:

1. Pharmacy School acceptance - Top priority since this is what I want to do with my life.
2. Healthier lifestyle (mentally/physically/spiritually/emotionally) - why the hell do humans have to have so many layers - I can't manage the 4 rooms in my house. Do you think I can handle the most cluttered and fragile parts of me?
3. Spend more time with God children - I foresee a move to Houston or ATL so I want to solidify these relationships now seeing as though my God sons are really young.
4. Financial uprightness - I want to pay off more debt - I'm faithful enough to believe that I can eliminate it all in 2010. the year just feels so right!
5. Time management - I'd like to think I have this aspect of my life down but I am far from a great time manager. I want 2010 to be the highlight of this. I need it!

So those are my 5 requests. But like any stable relationship, I need to make some accompanying changes and promises (commitments) of my own in return. These are:

1. Complete Pharmacy apps in enough time to troubleshoot any issues. Also, commit funds towards interviews, etc.
2. Spend more time with myself, appreciating the ugly. I know the good and bad but I want to learn to love those ugly parts of me - eventually so that I can deal with them and evoke change.
3. Pray more for more Godsons and spend time with them on the weekends since they are my heart.
4. Spend more on paying off debt. Spend less on extraneous "stuff" - it doesn't help to accumulate things when I am trying to move away and learn the art of appreciating little.
5. Less time committed to useless activity like facebook and twitter. More time on getitng tasks accomplished immediately rather than putting things off.

I think these are fair compliments. I would also like to meet newer, more exciting people - as well as newer, more establish figures who could serve as tangible examples of what I can do with my life and greater.

That's all for now!

more insanity to come.