Sunday, February 21, 2010

The Schizophrenia of Casual Sex

Human beings have done a damned good job of marginalizing the guy on the corner who, under the stench of many a sleepless night in front of a hotel garbage can, has developed a world within his own mind that is beautiful. violent, serene, and dangerous. You know the guy. The one who you cross the street to avoid. The one whom we can not quite look in the face for fear of attack. The one who talks aloud to no visible creature. The Main St. schizophrenic. He's the guy who PROBABLY once had it all - a stable family, nice car, decent home, financial solvency. And then, (we assume) one day he just "clicked" out and lost it all. In the most sorrowful parts of our hearts we wish he would get some mental health assistance, but this is usually overridden by our disconnectedness and unrelatedness to the "Crazy man" - a conjecture best fit for the bigotry of the 1960's.

We seem to find it easy to feel sorrowful for him but I am willing to go out on a limb (and maybe even bet a couple hundred bucks) and hypothesize that many of us live a self-sustained schizophrenia. Our bodies, minds and souls live in disjointed peace and harmony.

I recently read in GQ, an article that glorified cheating and casual sex. As I read what was a seemingly inspiring article for young, sexually active adults like myself, somehow I became disconnected from the praise the author was giving to his discoveries about one-night stands. As I am maturing and growing older, I find it harder and harder for me to have casual intimacy and then walk away unaffected. For years I lived like this, in now what I recognize as a schizophrenia. I gave many individuals a part of me, one of the most sacred parts of me and acted unaffected in the aftermath. So, exactly what was my revelation? Here it goes:

We know and recognize the existence of mind and body. One cannot properly function without the other in society. Brain dead humans and humans laying in comas are perfect examples of both - they just don't contribute anything to society. But the third portion of the human existence is the soul. YES, the soul. And while many dispute its existence, I know there is more to me than carbon and oxygen. Its the part of us that cries out to the rhythm of our favorite song. The tingly feeling above our eye brow that alerts us to someone watching. The part of us that is connected to every other part of this universe.

Without getting too philosophical, just ponder on it for a minute. Society tells us that girls are more prone to becoming attached because of the connection they have with their partner when having sex. I challenge this theory and know for a fact that girls and guys are connected to every person they've had sex with. When you see that other person, memories and feelings flood your mind. But to sustain a life where you walk away pretending you are unaffected, means you have perfected the "Crazy Man" mentality.

Don't get me wrong. I am not here to judge. But I would say that I applaud the Main St. guy more because he's transparent, liberated and aggressive about his beliefs. Most we can do as those who partake in casual sex is pretend we don't feel, dishonor our emotional attachment and swim upstream to our mental stability. I think its time we arrived at something less carnal and more aligned to the purpose of intimacy. We need to ONLY involve ourselves intimately with those we truly love and care for, which means we need to love and care for ourselves first.

This is just my charge to society. And please don't think for one second that I'm not starting with me.

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