Pulled in every direction at the same time

I'm 26. I'm attractive. I'm fun-loving. Got good credit. Hold wavering but strong beliefs. Amicable. I recently fell in love with onions and other  pungent foods. I work out. Drink a frappucino every now and then. And I have my MBA.

See, I purposefully left my degree or any mention of school til last because I have, so often, defined myself through what academic success I have rather than what qualities make up the totality that is me. Yet my educational goals have pretty much dictated my life. I've never openly admitted this but I am deathly afraid of being average. I've always been above average in the areas of my life. And now, I feel as though I would be leading a mundane existence if I stopped here. And education can get me out of the mundane and into the surreal. Ugh - but at a high cost.

I've given up a lot for my education - because I know what doors education can open up. The wise tales of old have come into fruition. "Go to school to make a better life for yourself." Well that's exactly what I want to do! I want to go to school and become a pharmacist - not for the money (though a comfortable salary is possible) but for the saturation of my interest. I need to be around folk like myself who are interested in medicines' effects on the human system.

But this seems to leave me in the gutters of love. I don't know how to manage a relationship and follow my passion. But I want a relationship horribly. I want to hold that special girl at night and kiss her on the back of her neck, whispering the quietest, sweetest nothings in her ears. I want to have someone there to share my money with, take lavish vacations with, spoil kids with... But being raised primarily by my mother didn't set a good precedent for me at all. I only know how to manage one-sided relationships. I'm weary of women because my mother was the best example of a great woman, and even still, she used her womanly tactics to make life what it needed to be. So where do I begin? Is it that I need to take a class or something? Brothers teaching brothers? Man, I just don't know where to start. And I refuse to get into something unprepared or underprepared, though I am sure there are ladies out there who will work with me. But is that fair to them?

There are no answers right now. But I just needed to vent.

That is all.