Lights at both ends of the tunnel

Never can say goodbye
No no no no, I
Never can say goodbye

Even though the pain and heartache
Seems to follow me wherever I go
Though I try and try to hide my feelings
They always seem to show
Then you try to say you're leaving me
And I always have to say no...


If only what I said mattered. If only my words could keep you here just a few moments longer. I want to say my goodbye. The same goodbye I refused to speak because the selfish part of me stood firm on the idea that God would never take you away. I was - special. Different. I did what I was supposed to do. I maintained a stature and lifestyle that were both pleasing to you and others. And yet, that just wasn't enough.

Revelation: There are no prerequisites for death.

I typed it. And, it seriously just hit me. I guess there's a part of me that secretly believes that my stay here is permanent. How do you reconcile something so universal/inescapable? Think about it. Philosophy speaks to the impermanence of knowledge, a craft filled with men and women who fool themselves with glorifying the process rather than the goal. And yet, life points toward a goal, an end. One which can NOT be avoided. One that can NOT be predicted. One that can NOT be understood. Yet we are all required to partake. In fact, we have all exited eternity for this stint of time only to be unknowing siphoned back at any moment.

Why give us:
smiles, laughter,
pain, anguish, sadness,
accomplishment, failure,
love, hate,
commitment, infidelity,
experiences, stillness,
passion, depression, purpose,

All for it to end?

I've done my best at coping. Most times, I put it out of my mind, along with the foolish sayings of many of the people who offer false comfort in times where loved ones have walked through that one way door. This was all God's will. Things will get better. You're strong enough to handle this. Pardon me. How does one make judgements on something about which we know so little. Maybe, utilizing knowledge as an avenue for clarity is the wrong approach. That's possible. But, what do I use instead.

At its least, this was therapeutic. I'm not afraid of the unknown. I just want to make sure that those I care about that have passed that way are okay as they reenter eternity. But I can't be sure.

Therefore, I'll continue to be a fool - and hope for the best.