Bits of me

I was young. So, at the time, I pieced together a project quickly that (strangely enough) would have meaning far beyond what I could ever imagine. I had recently applied for a job with residential life at Loyola and we were given instructions to make some sort of physical demonstration that represented the totality of our being. HA! Impossible, right? Well, not exactly. I joked around for a while, then came up with a simple idea. A single dot in the middle of a posterboard. Later, individuals with whom I had come in contact over the years were instructed to write their names around the dot - in whatever fashion they would like. The names swirled colorfully around that dot and almost looked like they blossomed from the dot itself. 

My explanation: I was the dot and every name that surrounded me had affected my life in some form or fashion. They had changed me, added to me just a little bit more than what I was before. So no longer was I a dot... I was a soul who had come in contact with the influences of so many other amazingly creative, wonderful, eccentric souls.

Almost a year later, I looked back at that dot and those names and asked God, "Why?" Why did he allow me to encounter so many different types of people? I know the answer now.  For some reason I always find clarity at 5:00 am. But a few hours ago, I pondered this question over and over and over again. I became that Junior in college once more, questioning God about things I should have simply sought clarity on.

Recently, I feel like there are a few names to be added to that circle of names around the dot. One name in particular holds an extremely special place in my heart. Usually, I try to avoid feeling strongly for anyone, even in a platonic way. But sometimes, I can't break a good feeling. I love just spending time. The sweetest kisses belong to you. You make me laugh through the simple comedy of your innocence. I like to sit and gaze into your eyes, see your smile and watch your face glow when you're excited about something. I can't shake the feeling because though we are friends, I want you near me in the lowest and highest of times. (okay, back to the topic at hand)

See, I've learned the answer. I see now why I have so many names growing out of the dot. Why some names are brief, quickly written and unrecognizable. Others, bold, set, and permanent. See, no matter the length of time - God has placed these people in my life for a dual reason. They were sent to inspire, uplift, redirect and chastise me. But in the same breath, I look back at the circle and see that I have dually touched the lives of every single person in that circle. My words have comforted most. My hands have helped some. My ears have been the quiet listening tool of others.

All this time, I thought I was just on the receiving end of this relationship. But God, in his classic tone, shows me that relationships are two way streets. The building is just as important as the bricks that its composed of.

I'm thankful for the lives that have touched me and those I have touched in return.