I was convicted yesterday. I have been doing this job thing all wrong. I used to wonder why God called me to pharmacy. (He did.) But now I see that in his calling me to this profession, he also has challenged me to be the best representation of his love, grace and mercy even within the realm of my profession.
I'm not gonna lie. Pharmacy, for me, has primarily been a financial escape - a 6 figure job that would allow me to live life at a level above my peers and even family. But what I read yesterday challenged me to look at this whole thing very differently. "God provides my meals and pays my bills." I stole that quote from a fellow pharmacist who worked with me in the hospital. I was a 4th year student extern then and he had just graduated and passed his boards. I thought it clever, but I see that it resonates completely differently now. Because the fact is that God truly is at the foundation of all my provided needs. I've been self-focused, looking at my profession through the lens of personal Godhood. I have sought to become my own provider instead of allowing God to be God. The God I preach about. The God who has held me from the very beginning. The God of my ancestors and my future lineage. I feel like this whole time I've been getting in his way.
But I'm praying a true prayer of submission. I want to refocus my mind so that I know if I trust in him and seek him first, he'll add to my life all the things I need AND want in ways I can't imagine.
Today, I'm starting over. Changing my mindset before I embark on a new perspective about my profession. How can Christ be made evident through Pharmacy? How can I utilize this special calling to positively impact those dependent on medication? How can I tap into God's healing power so that his presence and salvation bring those into the full knowledge of him/
I pray for God's answers to find me - renewed in my thinking and actions.
fin.
Wednesday, September 25, 2019
Friday, May 31, 2019
Death Day.
I sorta hate that I'm moved to write after a two year hiatus as a direct result of the pain I'm feeling and can't quite put into words right now. But I'm trying to find the words. Trying to make up the words, at least to describe to me - for me - this sadness I feel. A lot has happened in these past few years. I'm ordained. I just graduated with my Master of Divinity degree. I'm preaching more now. (Can you believe it?) I'm working my butt off and today I feel pressured to be strong, to stay strong while my family makes the decision to unplug life support from my great Uncle, we so affectionately call "Brotherman."
I sat on the phone with my cousin yesterday and just couldn't stop crying. It was the most pitiful cry I've had in a long time. It was like I was standing over myself pleading with myself to get it together. But I ignored myself and kept "ugly crying." I'm admittedly a cry-baby. Little things evoke the deepest emotion from me because I make unnecessary sentimental connections with everything. Or maybe they aren't unnecessary. Maybe just excessive. Either way, I'm a crier. But yesterday was an outpouring. Potentially, not just over the inevitable loss I was about to experience. But this deluge of memories that come pouring back into my mind.
I know God's will is perfect. It just isn't always pleasant. Right now, I'm accepting God's perfect will that feels unpleasant. That feels like simple battery. That feels like someone punched me in the stomach. On top of that I'm having to internalize the reckless words of hateful people. But I refuse to give that any more power in this blog because it isn't worth it.
God never intended for us to die. He never intended for us to experience the pain or anguish of death. Bodily decay and sickness were not his design. But we screwed up. He decided that when we would screw up, he'd send us a kinsman redeemer. Someone to make things right IN THE END. But the damage is done. We still all have to die. We still have to experience pain. We're prone to illness and disease. Heartbreak and hurt. And any glimpse of a resurrection in the bible that Jesus did was God momentarily resetting the natural order of things. Death is what's unnatural. And yet, here we are - dealing with it. I'm dealing - in the worst way possible. because I miss my uncle already.
I went to see him. He shook my hand and let me know that he heard my words of love. When I asked to pray he closed his eyes, held my hands tight and received God's blessing. I'll never forget that. Ever. I thank God that I made the decision to go to him. To see him before he was no longer able to recognize who I was or why I was there.
I guess ultimately, I'm content. But these memories keep warming my face, filling my eye sockets, and causing the absolutely heaviest of tears to fall down my face. This is life, though. Or Death, I should say. Who will hold up the banner for our family now? It's too much to think about.
Goodday.
I sat on the phone with my cousin yesterday and just couldn't stop crying. It was the most pitiful cry I've had in a long time. It was like I was standing over myself pleading with myself to get it together. But I ignored myself and kept "ugly crying." I'm admittedly a cry-baby. Little things evoke the deepest emotion from me because I make unnecessary sentimental connections with everything. Or maybe they aren't unnecessary. Maybe just excessive. Either way, I'm a crier. But yesterday was an outpouring. Potentially, not just over the inevitable loss I was about to experience. But this deluge of memories that come pouring back into my mind.
I know God's will is perfect. It just isn't always pleasant. Right now, I'm accepting God's perfect will that feels unpleasant. That feels like simple battery. That feels like someone punched me in the stomach. On top of that I'm having to internalize the reckless words of hateful people. But I refuse to give that any more power in this blog because it isn't worth it.
God never intended for us to die. He never intended for us to experience the pain or anguish of death. Bodily decay and sickness were not his design. But we screwed up. He decided that when we would screw up, he'd send us a kinsman redeemer. Someone to make things right IN THE END. But the damage is done. We still all have to die. We still have to experience pain. We're prone to illness and disease. Heartbreak and hurt. And any glimpse of a resurrection in the bible that Jesus did was God momentarily resetting the natural order of things. Death is what's unnatural. And yet, here we are - dealing with it. I'm dealing - in the worst way possible. because I miss my uncle already.
I went to see him. He shook my hand and let me know that he heard my words of love. When I asked to pray he closed his eyes, held my hands tight and received God's blessing. I'll never forget that. Ever. I thank God that I made the decision to go to him. To see him before he was no longer able to recognize who I was or why I was there.
I guess ultimately, I'm content. But these memories keep warming my face, filling my eye sockets, and causing the absolutely heaviest of tears to fall down my face. This is life, though. Or Death, I should say. Who will hold up the banner for our family now? It's too much to think about.
Goodday.
Tuesday, March 7, 2017
Late night revelations
Haven't posted in a while but this revelation was too important not to document. So I'm jumping right back in:
There is a part of me that has healed - almost completely from the past toxic relationships I've had. I didn't realize how the stronghold had held me captive for such a long time. It made me afraid of trusting and believing in humanity fully.
However, just now, I was able to exhale - release it all to God. And tears started to build up in my eyes.
A part of me didn't realize just how deep my past has plagued my present. Another part of me felt relief from the revelation - a reinstatement of my faith in the permanence of special people in my life.
That's a huge blessing in itself.
God is moving. He's healing. He's reestablishing some things. I can feel it.
Thank you Lord.
There is a part of me that has healed - almost completely from the past toxic relationships I've had. I didn't realize how the stronghold had held me captive for such a long time. It made me afraid of trusting and believing in humanity fully.
However, just now, I was able to exhale - release it all to God. And tears started to build up in my eyes.
A part of me didn't realize just how deep my past has plagued my present. Another part of me felt relief from the revelation - a reinstatement of my faith in the permanence of special people in my life.
That's a huge blessing in itself.
God is moving. He's healing. He's reestablishing some things. I can feel it.
Thank you Lord.
Tuesday, June 7, 2016
I don't think you understand....
Though some of you might... But I am experiencing the happiest time of my life. It literally brings joyful tears to my eyes. I stare at my wife while she's asleep. I watch my son canvas a park or swimming pool. I listen to my heart beat strongly. My senses are keen. My mind is strong. I'm learning and growing. And I'm happy.
I reflect on those experiences with my friends of the past and I know what I was doing in that time was filling a void in my life with temporary moments of satisfaction. I drowned my sadness in alcohol. I kept myself busy with clubbing and partying. I was the king of the social scene but a peasant in my own happiness.
But these past years have been amazing. I've grown so much and I'm so proud of myself for that. I married one of the most intelligent, beautiful, perfect (for me), amazing women in the world. She's my best friend. And I'm learning what it means to be vulnerable and strong and proud and proactive and everything else great that women bring into a man's life - because of her. And on top of it all, she raises my son with such an enthusiasm and fun spirit. Shoot, I have to up my game! lol
These are amazing times and I'm blessed that they won't ever stop.
I don't think you all can understand. There are words in this language to really explain it. So, I'll leave my attempt at this simple blog entry.
I pray everyone is out there feeling love and happiness. It's the absolute best feeling in the world.
I reflect on those experiences with my friends of the past and I know what I was doing in that time was filling a void in my life with temporary moments of satisfaction. I drowned my sadness in alcohol. I kept myself busy with clubbing and partying. I was the king of the social scene but a peasant in my own happiness.
But these past years have been amazing. I've grown so much and I'm so proud of myself for that. I married one of the most intelligent, beautiful, perfect (for me), amazing women in the world. She's my best friend. And I'm learning what it means to be vulnerable and strong and proud and proactive and everything else great that women bring into a man's life - because of her. And on top of it all, she raises my son with such an enthusiasm and fun spirit. Shoot, I have to up my game! lol
These are amazing times and I'm blessed that they won't ever stop.
I don't think you all can understand. There are words in this language to really explain it. So, I'll leave my attempt at this simple blog entry.
I pray everyone is out there feeling love and happiness. It's the absolute best feeling in the world.
Wednesday, June 17, 2015
Hump Day Success
With the guidance and experience of my wife, today, I was able to work my first real estate deal successfully! I'm pretty proud of myself and more proud of my wife. The saying goes "the student is a direct reflection of the teacher." I am humble enough to see that my wife's wisdom in this area was something I needed to draw from, something I could use my adaptability and listening skills to strengthen the partnership and MAKE THE DEAL!
I feel like this is the beginning of a very successful future in teaming up to make a lot of great deals!
Here's to WINNING.
fin.
I feel like this is the beginning of a very successful future in teaming up to make a lot of great deals!
Here's to WINNING.
fin.
Monday, May 11, 2015
It. Is. Done.
Graduation. The day I had imagined for many years. The answered prayer to a leap of faith that I took 5 years ago when I left a job a loved and challenged myself beyond what I ever could have imagined. The opened door to my family's financial stability. The ending to a story of struggle. The day came and went and I'm so thankful to God for allowing me to see it!
I did it!
The day - though it didn't materialize like I would have wanted it - was actually so much more beautiful and awesome than what I had conjured in my mind. It was met with so much excitement, a small bit of anxiety, and pride in my creation. I had my favorite coffee beverage to energize my early morning commute to the convocation center. And from then on, I rode the beautiful high that accomplishing a huge goal brings. (I later sat with a full bladder during the program - but that's not really the point. Lesson learned. haha)
There are some experiences in this life that I feel like I fell into or agreed to take part in to the pleasing of others. But Pharmacy was a conscious choice of my own. It was a bold step in the direction of what was uncomfortable, just out of my reach. But I decided to put my fears aside and trust that if I did my part, God would provide increase for me where I was weak. Sure enough, he has carried me through the tough times!
I left every ounce of myself in that pharmacy school. Every bit of energy. My time. My talents. My essence. I made sure that when granted an opportunity to chase my dreams I would pay it forward by exhausting myself in every aspect of that experience. There was not one organization that I wanted to join that I wasn't a part of. No research opportunity, conference or health fair went without my involvement. I literally did it all!
I have NO regrets.
Maybe that's why I feel so fulfilled within the realm of pharmacy. Because I emptied myself out and was given so much refueling in return. I feel prepared to come into my own as a clinical pharmacist. I feel confident in my clinical knowledge. And I'm excited to give so much of myself to the profession.
Here's to making so many solid connections over the years. To meeting the most amazing, dynamic, professional, intelligent individuals on the planet.
Make a spot for me in the annals of time. Because I'm about to make a difference in this world!
I present to you all: Mr. Johmyrin J. Johnson, BS, M.B.A., PharmD
Watch out!
I did it!
The day - though it didn't materialize like I would have wanted it - was actually so much more beautiful and awesome than what I had conjured in my mind. It was met with so much excitement, a small bit of anxiety, and pride in my creation. I had my favorite coffee beverage to energize my early morning commute to the convocation center. And from then on, I rode the beautiful high that accomplishing a huge goal brings. (I later sat with a full bladder during the program - but that's not really the point. Lesson learned. haha)
There are some experiences in this life that I feel like I fell into or agreed to take part in to the pleasing of others. But Pharmacy was a conscious choice of my own. It was a bold step in the direction of what was uncomfortable, just out of my reach. But I decided to put my fears aside and trust that if I did my part, God would provide increase for me where I was weak. Sure enough, he has carried me through the tough times!
I left every ounce of myself in that pharmacy school. Every bit of energy. My time. My talents. My essence. I made sure that when granted an opportunity to chase my dreams I would pay it forward by exhausting myself in every aspect of that experience. There was not one organization that I wanted to join that I wasn't a part of. No research opportunity, conference or health fair went without my involvement. I literally did it all!
I have NO regrets.
Maybe that's why I feel so fulfilled within the realm of pharmacy. Because I emptied myself out and was given so much refueling in return. I feel prepared to come into my own as a clinical pharmacist. I feel confident in my clinical knowledge. And I'm excited to give so much of myself to the profession.
Here's to making so many solid connections over the years. To meeting the most amazing, dynamic, professional, intelligent individuals on the planet.
Make a spot for me in the annals of time. Because I'm about to make a difference in this world!
I present to you all: Mr. Johmyrin J. Johnson, BS, M.B.A., PharmD
Watch out!
Sunday, March 1, 2015
An Ode to the Prince
I think about you.
Frequently.
I want the best for you. And I've given you a name that represents strength and courage alongside care and compassion.
My first heir. My legacy.
To be honest, I still don't know what that means. But none of that matters.
I want you to be highly educated, wise beyond your years, an advocate for those who are less fortunate and prolific beyond comparison.
You'll have your mother's heart for people - entrenched with my love for the plight of humans. We want you to save and practice patience. Be kind but opinionated. Giving but diligent in your practice. Happy but in control of your emotions.
I want you to be strong. Because I'm strong.
You're the big brother to future creations. A lot rests on your shoulders. But I have full confidence that you'll lead the pack and make us proud.
Be bold.
Injustice is great. So fight with a tenacity that challenges it at every appearance.
Explore the world. There so much to pray for, but even more to love. Sunsets, chocolate chip cookies, doodle bugs, playdoh, acai berries, Egyptian pigeons.... So much. My writings do it no justice.
Love life.
Make mistakes and learn from them. Know that ALL things work together for your good. You can't "lose" in this life. But make sure you live for the service of others and that you remain humble in your examination of yourself.
I love you son. I love you because of your excitement to get here. I can't wait to meet you. We'll take it day by day. Though your mom and I have lofty goals for your life, I'm sure God's plan for you is simply amazing.
Here's to your arrival. Your beginning.
My heir.
Brayden.
Daddy loves you. Mommy loves you. But God loves you most.
fin.
Tuesday, December 30, 2014
To Bean
That's what I call you. I know your real name though. And its just as amazing as you are going to be.
You have my skin tone, and your mother's features.
Hair as dark as night and a spirit as gentle as a calm wind. As a child, I would sit in the grass in my backyard and feel the earth beneath me and gaze at the clouds above me. I would just lay there in awe at how great this world is - and how small I am in it. It's that same feeling I get when I think about your existence. Love materialized into human form that is growing, developing every day.
I saw your dance for me. You're gifted - already. A natural performer. I promise to make sure that you have every opportunity to do any and everything that you want to do in this life. Because I just know you are going to be great.
Your heart beat is strong. Don't lose that. Don't lose your love for life - even in the midst of your mistakes and sins. God loves you and has placed you here for his glory. I'll do everything in my power to ensure that you grow up knowing that I'm your papa but that even when I'm gone to heaven you'll have built a firm relationship with your eternal Father. He'll see you through all your days.
I promise to love your mom, unconditionally. To show you what marriage is and how to achieve that for yourself one day. I'm still learning Bean. And I won't stop learning.
I can't wait to do Daddy-Bean sleep overs, days at the park, streetcar rides to the Aquarium, the zoo, and celebrate your birthday in such special ways. My heart just isn't big enough for the love I have for you.
Get ready to fall in love with music and art, languages and most of all, The Lord. I'll do my best to protect you from the world's harsh and unkind people. I hope to teach you to love your enemies and I know your mom will instill in you a genuine care and concern for others. I'm excited about that most.
We're a team, Bean. Never forget that. We'll have your back and we'll cheer you on in whatever it is you want to do in this world. In us, you can be yourself.
Mommy and Daddy love you.
We'll see you soon.
Papa
You have my skin tone, and your mother's features.
Hair as dark as night and a spirit as gentle as a calm wind. As a child, I would sit in the grass in my backyard and feel the earth beneath me and gaze at the clouds above me. I would just lay there in awe at how great this world is - and how small I am in it. It's that same feeling I get when I think about your existence. Love materialized into human form that is growing, developing every day.
I saw your dance for me. You're gifted - already. A natural performer. I promise to make sure that you have every opportunity to do any and everything that you want to do in this life. Because I just know you are going to be great.
Your heart beat is strong. Don't lose that. Don't lose your love for life - even in the midst of your mistakes and sins. God loves you and has placed you here for his glory. I'll do everything in my power to ensure that you grow up knowing that I'm your papa but that even when I'm gone to heaven you'll have built a firm relationship with your eternal Father. He'll see you through all your days.
I promise to love your mom, unconditionally. To show you what marriage is and how to achieve that for yourself one day. I'm still learning Bean. And I won't stop learning.
I can't wait to do Daddy-Bean sleep overs, days at the park, streetcar rides to the Aquarium, the zoo, and celebrate your birthday in such special ways. My heart just isn't big enough for the love I have for you.
Get ready to fall in love with music and art, languages and most of all, The Lord. I'll do my best to protect you from the world's harsh and unkind people. I hope to teach you to love your enemies and I know your mom will instill in you a genuine care and concern for others. I'm excited about that most.
We're a team, Bean. Never forget that. We'll have your back and we'll cheer you on in whatever it is you want to do in this world. In us, you can be yourself.
Mommy and Daddy love you.
We'll see you soon.
Papa
Saturday, December 27, 2014
The road to hell is paved with good intentions
I'm listening to the words of the minister replay in my head - "The trials of today are shaping you into the triumph you'll have tomorrow." I gotta believe this right now because otherwise I'm gonna slump back into the cave I had walked out from a long time ago. I just have to believe that God can fix any problem that I have - as long as I put all my time and energy into doing so on my end. That he knows my heart is different than it was in the past. And that I can humble myself to make right any wrong I've caused.
Just this morning I prayed for God to create in me a clean heart and renew a right spirit within me. I guess I've received an answer to my prayer.
Lord I have so far to go in understanding this life I'm living. I pray that you remove my ignorance and instill wisdom and knowledge, self-awareness and discernment. Allow me to always reflect preemptively on whether my actions will impact others negatively or if they are based on faulty assumptions. I need you now, Lord. Right now.
-Joh
Just this morning I prayed for God to create in me a clean heart and renew a right spirit within me. I guess I've received an answer to my prayer.
Lord I have so far to go in understanding this life I'm living. I pray that you remove my ignorance and instill wisdom and knowledge, self-awareness and discernment. Allow me to always reflect preemptively on whether my actions will impact others negatively or if they are based on faulty assumptions. I need you now, Lord. Right now.
-Joh
Monday, December 15, 2014
C'est La Vie
I'm praying so hard to have an enjoyable, peaceful break. But I guess that prayer has fallen on God's deaf ear. hmph.....
Friday, November 7, 2014
It's November... so why not!?!
I've always loved November because it reminds me of how abundantly I have been blessed by God. It's one of those months that always re-centers me on what's important as well as draws me nearer to God. I'm still working building up a year-round attitude of gratitude, but I'm thankful for gentle reminders like November which nudge me into a mindset of appreciation.
With that being said, I've added more things to the list.
1. Friendship - God has given me a true friend to replace the many "yes men" and fake friends I've kept in the past. It's interesting because in a time before these friends, I was easy going, trusting and carefree. But I allowed other people's insecurities in invade my world. I let their half-friendship become an adaptation of mine. So I'm now re-learning how to be a friend and accept true friendship. Particularly, I am thankful for my friend and brother. He keeps me grounded and makes me self aware - even at times when I don't want to be. He gets me to the finish line time and time again, after I may stumble in the race of life. I honestly believe he is heaven sent - a gift of guidance and brotherly love left behind so that I can grow to one day be in a place that God can truly use me. So I thank God for giving me what I need when I need it and didn't know it. It truly makes me desire having a more genuine relationship with others. Not too many others, but a few more outstanding individuals in this world.
2. Pops - Gosh, I miss this guy. But strangely, I feel his presence everyday. The myriad of lessons that he taught me, the walls of my own ignorance that he challenged me to tear down, the wealth of inheritance he has bequeath me through his tough love, wisdom and foresight. I absolutely could not thank him enough. I truly believe that one day, i'll be a reflection of him to the world. What a mighty man of God he was. We'll meet him again, Pops. But in the meantime, I just thank God for his amazing patience and obedience to do what he was called to do before he had to leave this earth. He planted so many seeds of greatness in such a stubborn guy like myself. And I don't mean that in a cocky way. But I am literally STANDING in God's glory for my life! I'm just so thankful to God for him. My life is dedicated to making him proud.
3. My Father - Life events separated me from him early in life. But like any boy, I've always wanted to be just like my dad. In my adult life, I've learned, not only to forgive him, but to be thankful for him being a father to me and a great father-in-law to my wife. His huge heart never ceases to astound me. And his willingness to celebrate me as his son is enough to heal the wounds of the past and create a clean slate for the future. Whenever I have children, I really want them to know and love their granddad. He's a gentle giant who will give them the world. For this, I am truly grateful.
That's all folk.
Tis the season!
With that being said, I've added more things to the list.
1. Friendship - God has given me a true friend to replace the many "yes men" and fake friends I've kept in the past. It's interesting because in a time before these friends, I was easy going, trusting and carefree. But I allowed other people's insecurities in invade my world. I let their half-friendship become an adaptation of mine. So I'm now re-learning how to be a friend and accept true friendship. Particularly, I am thankful for my friend and brother. He keeps me grounded and makes me self aware - even at times when I don't want to be. He gets me to the finish line time and time again, after I may stumble in the race of life. I honestly believe he is heaven sent - a gift of guidance and brotherly love left behind so that I can grow to one day be in a place that God can truly use me. So I thank God for giving me what I need when I need it and didn't know it. It truly makes me desire having a more genuine relationship with others. Not too many others, but a few more outstanding individuals in this world.
2. Pops - Gosh, I miss this guy. But strangely, I feel his presence everyday. The myriad of lessons that he taught me, the walls of my own ignorance that he challenged me to tear down, the wealth of inheritance he has bequeath me through his tough love, wisdom and foresight. I absolutely could not thank him enough. I truly believe that one day, i'll be a reflection of him to the world. What a mighty man of God he was. We'll meet him again, Pops. But in the meantime, I just thank God for his amazing patience and obedience to do what he was called to do before he had to leave this earth. He planted so many seeds of greatness in such a stubborn guy like myself. And I don't mean that in a cocky way. But I am literally STANDING in God's glory for my life! I'm just so thankful to God for him. My life is dedicated to making him proud.
3. My Father - Life events separated me from him early in life. But like any boy, I've always wanted to be just like my dad. In my adult life, I've learned, not only to forgive him, but to be thankful for him being a father to me and a great father-in-law to my wife. His huge heart never ceases to astound me. And his willingness to celebrate me as his son is enough to heal the wounds of the past and create a clean slate for the future. Whenever I have children, I really want them to know and love their granddad. He's a gentle giant who will give them the world. For this, I am truly grateful.
That's all folk.
Tis the season!
Friday, October 31, 2014
Saying thanks makes the difference
I gotta be honest - these posts have become very therapeutic to me. I have felt discouraged, stressed and doubtful in this last week. Reflecting on these posts have really redirected a lot of those feelings and reset my mind in a more positive direction. So, with that being said, here are some more points of gratitude.
1. LIFE Ministry - I've seen so many people believe in my vision for something that could truly change the lives of so many people. And I must admit, I've been more discouraged this week about the ministry than ever before. With so much else going on, I question sometimes if I can manage it all. But I am revitalized in my walk simply by reflecting on how people believe. They believe in me. They believe in God's ability to take this thing to unknown levels. They simply - believe. And that, for me, is enough. I've always had to believe in myself - regardless of the world around me. It's refreshing to have others truly believe in something you have been called to do. And for that, I'm thankful.
2. Trouble - As much as the childlike, care-free spirit in me hates and despises anything that represents trouble or strife, I've come to see how it has shaped me and continues to shape me into a stronger person.
3. Health - For as long as I can remember, I haven't had any major health concerns. A sprained ankle when I was a child, bronchitis for a moment in my teenage years, and a fever once every 15 years (I'm only 30!, lol). So I truly thank God above that he's given me such a true measure of health.
Okay, folk. That's all for now. Enjoy your Halloween. And pray my strength as I work yet another weekend and miss church again. *massive sigh*
fin.
1. LIFE Ministry - I've seen so many people believe in my vision for something that could truly change the lives of so many people. And I must admit, I've been more discouraged this week about the ministry than ever before. With so much else going on, I question sometimes if I can manage it all. But I am revitalized in my walk simply by reflecting on how people believe. They believe in me. They believe in God's ability to take this thing to unknown levels. They simply - believe. And that, for me, is enough. I've always had to believe in myself - regardless of the world around me. It's refreshing to have others truly believe in something you have been called to do. And for that, I'm thankful.
2. Trouble - As much as the childlike, care-free spirit in me hates and despises anything that represents trouble or strife, I've come to see how it has shaped me and continues to shape me into a stronger person.
3. Health - For as long as I can remember, I haven't had any major health concerns. A sprained ankle when I was a child, bronchitis for a moment in my teenage years, and a fever once every 15 years (I'm only 30!, lol). So I truly thank God above that he's given me such a true measure of health.
Okay, folk. That's all for now. Enjoy your Halloween. And pray my strength as I work yet another weekend and miss church again. *massive sigh*
fin.
Tuesday, October 28, 2014
Gratitude Continued
Day 2:
Today, I'd like to express gratitude for three new things. Here it goes:
1. My Mother - many times I reflect over my life and think about the one person who has held me down since day 1 and it undoubtedly has been my mom. She's strong, giving, passionate about what she does, and absolutely hilarious. I pray that I get half the spirit she was blessed with because then I'll be blessed beyond my comprehension. Words can not express the love I have for her. She's had my back - even in adulthood. My gratitude is endless for her.
2. Renewal - I went through a period of great loss in my life, after seemingly being the person in my friend-group who had amassed the most success. Though all material possessions, I had worked hard to create for myself a life that most 23 year olds (from my background) could never fathom. And, just like that, I was stripped down to bare bones. But God kept me through those times. He kept me and he's given me promises of renewal, this time around. I'm more detached from material things but I am excited to see God spill over in this period of renewal for my life.
3. Sound Mind - recently there have been so many suicides/attempts achieved by individuals only a few people personally removed from my knowing them. The sheer thought that tomorrow doesn't exist is frightening. I can't imagine believing the lie of the enemy in such a way that it makes me now want to live - and moreover, take my own life. So, I'm thankful for a sound mind. One that, even as the world crumbles around me, allows me to never consider the worst alternative. That is indeed a blessing.
I'm liking this experience.
fin.
Today, I'd like to express gratitude for three new things. Here it goes:
1. My Mother - many times I reflect over my life and think about the one person who has held me down since day 1 and it undoubtedly has been my mom. She's strong, giving, passionate about what she does, and absolutely hilarious. I pray that I get half the spirit she was blessed with because then I'll be blessed beyond my comprehension. Words can not express the love I have for her. She's had my back - even in adulthood. My gratitude is endless for her.
2. Renewal - I went through a period of great loss in my life, after seemingly being the person in my friend-group who had amassed the most success. Though all material possessions, I had worked hard to create for myself a life that most 23 year olds (from my background) could never fathom. And, just like that, I was stripped down to bare bones. But God kept me through those times. He kept me and he's given me promises of renewal, this time around. I'm more detached from material things but I am excited to see God spill over in this period of renewal for my life.
3. Sound Mind - recently there have been so many suicides/attempts achieved by individuals only a few people personally removed from my knowing them. The sheer thought that tomorrow doesn't exist is frightening. I can't imagine believing the lie of the enemy in such a way that it makes me now want to live - and moreover, take my own life. So, I'm thankful for a sound mind. One that, even as the world crumbles around me, allows me to never consider the worst alternative. That is indeed a blessing.
I'm liking this experience.
fin.
Monday, October 27, 2014
Focusing on love
The devil has tried to divert my mind in such a way that I can not appreciate what God has given me, placed in my life, blessed me with.
I recognize your false tricks for what they are and I've decided to combat this by actively going against what I see in front of me and use my faith as a key to releasing myself to the will of God.
Starting today I am introducing more prayer into my daily regimen, focusing on gratefulness and thanksgiving. I've also decided to actively pray for others and not myself. Too often do I use my prayers to focus on my own struggle but I know there are people out there dealing with greater, more intense issues. As with reading, the more one prays, the stronger your ability to pray becomes.
So today I am pledging to show the Lord gratitude for 3 new things daily until I notice the habit of my prayers changing into this type of expression naturally. I've also decided to open my heart and show more vulnerable, unguarded love.
Pray with and for me.
Today - I am thankful and grateful for:
- God changing my life: I was on a road to disaster, engrossed in sin and traveling on a road straight for hell. Then he turned it. He loved me enough to give me the option for change. And I'm thankful for that - more than anyone could understand.
- Pharmacy: As stressful and crazy as school has been, I thank God for honoring my decision to become a pharmacist. I can remember the date I got my acceptance letter and called my mom to tell her. But I couldn't get a word out because I cried just that much. It's been so many tears shed between that time and now - some in response to stress and others just in pure gratitude. Either way, I've been made strong through it all. Extremely strong.
- My wife: She's patient, extremely thoughtful, protective and kind. She's talented, beautiful and sexy. She's gifted, creative and truly an amazing spirit. I have such a great desire to shower her with all the pleasantries this life has but I first want her to experience the love I have to give - as it hasn't been shared with anyone ever.
Just typing this makes me so grateful for everything God is doing for me. I'm overwhelmed by his goodness and mercy. Little ole Joh! Let the gratitude challenge begin!
I recognize your false tricks for what they are and I've decided to combat this by actively going against what I see in front of me and use my faith as a key to releasing myself to the will of God.
Starting today I am introducing more prayer into my daily regimen, focusing on gratefulness and thanksgiving. I've also decided to actively pray for others and not myself. Too often do I use my prayers to focus on my own struggle but I know there are people out there dealing with greater, more intense issues. As with reading, the more one prays, the stronger your ability to pray becomes.
So today I am pledging to show the Lord gratitude for 3 new things daily until I notice the habit of my prayers changing into this type of expression naturally. I've also decided to open my heart and show more vulnerable, unguarded love.
Pray with and for me.
Today - I am thankful and grateful for:
- God changing my life: I was on a road to disaster, engrossed in sin and traveling on a road straight for hell. Then he turned it. He loved me enough to give me the option for change. And I'm thankful for that - more than anyone could understand.
- Pharmacy: As stressful and crazy as school has been, I thank God for honoring my decision to become a pharmacist. I can remember the date I got my acceptance letter and called my mom to tell her. But I couldn't get a word out because I cried just that much. It's been so many tears shed between that time and now - some in response to stress and others just in pure gratitude. Either way, I've been made strong through it all. Extremely strong.
- My wife: She's patient, extremely thoughtful, protective and kind. She's talented, beautiful and sexy. She's gifted, creative and truly an amazing spirit. I have such a great desire to shower her with all the pleasantries this life has but I first want her to experience the love I have to give - as it hasn't been shared with anyone ever.
Just typing this makes me so grateful for everything God is doing for me. I'm overwhelmed by his goodness and mercy. Little ole Joh! Let the gratitude challenge begin!
Thursday, October 23, 2014
This Morning
usually I love Thursdays.
but this one, I'm just not sure about.
i want so badly to start speaking greatness into the atmosphere today but I just don't feel great. I feel annoyed, stifled and ignored.
i pray things get better. Until then, I'll just fake it.
i really need a vacation or a guy's getaway.
fin.
but this one, I'm just not sure about.
i want so badly to start speaking greatness into the atmosphere today but I just don't feel great. I feel annoyed, stifled and ignored.
i pray things get better. Until then, I'll just fake it.
i really need a vacation or a guy's getaway.
fin.
Friday, October 17, 2014
God's Grace
Today I'm thankful for God opening my eyes to his hand working to provide the increase in my life. It's pretty astounding, actually.
This is what happened: I prayed and asked The Father to open a door for me to be able to provide for my family. I decided to do my part and initiate some action that would align me with opportunity. NO SOONER than I did that, God came through with open doors.
I'm sure this has happened in my life time and time again. However, THIS TIME, I witnessed it for exactly what it was. And I'm thankful about it.
God is great. I pray that everyone can witness and recognize his love in such a way!
fin.
This is what happened: I prayed and asked The Father to open a door for me to be able to provide for my family. I decided to do my part and initiate some action that would align me with opportunity. NO SOONER than I did that, God came through with open doors.
I'm sure this has happened in my life time and time again. However, THIS TIME, I witnessed it for exactly what it was. And I'm thankful about it.
God is great. I pray that everyone can witness and recognize his love in such a way!
fin.
Tuesday, October 14, 2014
Break Time....
Its fairly cyclic for me. I start to get dissatisfied (and even annoyed, maybe) by everything New Orleans and everybody here. This discontentment seems to invade my mind to such a degree that I would plan a random trip out of the state (and sometimes, country) in order to re-energize and reboot. But that hasn't happened for me in quite some time. I'm in school - my last year - but the guilt associated with leaving town has only been diminished by a long break like Thanksgiving or Christmas. Other than that, I really haven't left New Orleans.
I need to get away!
It's called the "state of the Sagittarius." We are natural adventurers, childlike in our pursuit of explorative fun and mystery. As we grow, we find ways of squelching our desires in order to function in the real world. But the desire never truly dies. It just lays dormant until times like this - WHEN I JUST NEED TO GET AWAY.
School afforded me a couple opportunities to go to Puerto Rico and Hawaii, both of which were amazing and far enough away that I felt revitalized and ready to return to crazy NOLA.
With such a lull in travel, I'm really starting to feel it. I get overwhelmed by the feeling that all I do is work. My mind begins to focus on the thousand responsibilities I have which then makes me anxious. In the past, I've become crabby. But now, instead, I just shut my emotions down as to not come off like a jerk. But the feeling is real to me. And all I want is a break.
I'm on Fall Break now and it feels like anything but that. I wish I could have gone to visit my sister or hopped on a megabus to Atlanta to visit friends there.
blah.
I'm trying to make the best of it. I know this post sounds pretty pessimistic but I really can't help how I feel right now.
The good news is that, in order to be productive, my mind will make sense of it all and refocus. So the feelings will go away and I'll be back to going through the motions.
It's just right now..... Man!
I need to get away!
It's called the "state of the Sagittarius." We are natural adventurers, childlike in our pursuit of explorative fun and mystery. As we grow, we find ways of squelching our desires in order to function in the real world. But the desire never truly dies. It just lays dormant until times like this - WHEN I JUST NEED TO GET AWAY.
School afforded me a couple opportunities to go to Puerto Rico and Hawaii, both of which were amazing and far enough away that I felt revitalized and ready to return to crazy NOLA.
With such a lull in travel, I'm really starting to feel it. I get overwhelmed by the feeling that all I do is work. My mind begins to focus on the thousand responsibilities I have which then makes me anxious. In the past, I've become crabby. But now, instead, I just shut my emotions down as to not come off like a jerk. But the feeling is real to me. And all I want is a break.
I'm on Fall Break now and it feels like anything but that. I wish I could have gone to visit my sister or hopped on a megabus to Atlanta to visit friends there.
blah.
I'm trying to make the best of it. I know this post sounds pretty pessimistic but I really can't help how I feel right now.
The good news is that, in order to be productive, my mind will make sense of it all and refocus. So the feelings will go away and I'll be back to going through the motions.
It's just right now..... Man!
Saturday, October 11, 2014
New Friends
"No New Friends" is a song that has become the mantra for so many people today. I see it on my social media. I hear it at gatherings. It's all over the place. People everywhere are celebrating the fact that their friend groups are strong, loyal, trustworthy. I find myself sitting here wondering had I kept my friend group, I would have totally neglected my loyalty to myself. To my ability to grow and change as a human being. To being true to the person I am today - my values and my character.
And yet, in giving up those toxic relationships, I find myself the in a weird spot. Free from fake friendships but then absent of friends. I've never been the type of person who has been codependent in that way but I realize how much I miss the good times I've shared with my friends.
In having dinner with an old friend, I realized how much I missed having the ear of a friend. Just to sit there and talk, get feedback and feel that interaction allowed me to see that I was missing out on an essential part of the human experience. Sometimes, I just need to vent frustration. Other times, I need the outsider's point of view that will allow me to open my mind to make that paradigm shift. I have a good friend that provides me with that but there are realities of his life and mine that limit the friendship. I've accepted these limitations but it still leaves me at a loss with regards to what my needs are in that way.
So I've released myself of old friends, their habits, and their lives. I wish them well but I had to open space in my heart for new, genuine friends.
So my mantra is "New Friends!" Not a slew but just a tight knit group who has my best interest at heart, that is concerned with seeing everything I'm a part of be successful. Do those people still exist out there? I won't give up on God's ability to bring them into my life. So I guess in the meantime, I'll just have to be patient.
If God has blessed you with a best friend, be thankful for him/her. it's a rarity and a gem to have.
Be in prayer for me. Please.
fin.
And yet, in giving up those toxic relationships, I find myself the in a weird spot. Free from fake friendships but then absent of friends. I've never been the type of person who has been codependent in that way but I realize how much I miss the good times I've shared with my friends.
In having dinner with an old friend, I realized how much I missed having the ear of a friend. Just to sit there and talk, get feedback and feel that interaction allowed me to see that I was missing out on an essential part of the human experience. Sometimes, I just need to vent frustration. Other times, I need the outsider's point of view that will allow me to open my mind to make that paradigm shift. I have a good friend that provides me with that but there are realities of his life and mine that limit the friendship. I've accepted these limitations but it still leaves me at a loss with regards to what my needs are in that way.
So I've released myself of old friends, their habits, and their lives. I wish them well but I had to open space in my heart for new, genuine friends.
So my mantra is "New Friends!" Not a slew but just a tight knit group who has my best interest at heart, that is concerned with seeing everything I'm a part of be successful. Do those people still exist out there? I won't give up on God's ability to bring them into my life. So I guess in the meantime, I'll just have to be patient.
If God has blessed you with a best friend, be thankful for him/her. it's a rarity and a gem to have.
Be in prayer for me. Please.
fin.
Sunday, August 24, 2014
My prayer....
My prayer above all things is for happiness. That my mind be tuned to things that are positive and healthy so that happiness can follow. That I might play an active role in perpetuating my own personal good will. It's indeed my struggle. Right now. But I pray that one day God will answer this prayer.
fin.
fin.
Tuesday, August 5, 2014
Finding Beauty in All Things
As cliche as it is, I've started a project that allows me to get back to a part of me that I lost some time ago. I'm reclaiming the undying optimist, the part of me that fights for the good that I know exists in all of God's creatures and things.
My most recent project is called The Art of Blight. I walk/ride around New Orleans and find areas of the city abandoned by its inhabitants - some from the devastation left behind by Hurricane Katrina. Others, due to a myriad of causes that have allowed paint colors to fade, fixtures to crack and break and foundations to fold under the dominant pressure of time and the elements. And yet, I've allowed myself to find beauty in it all.
I recall on a trip to Egypt when I decided to embrace the local culture and found insurmountable beauty in the downtrodden smiles of the local homeless beggars. Or when I strayed away from the Puerto Rican resort to make the uncomfortable encounter with locals who lived on a weekly allowance less than a days pay of work. Even in this, I was able to find overwhelming beauty and passion. It's the idea of smiling through it all!
This inspired me then and I am reclaiming it now. Each and every house tells a story. I hope to capture this story at a place where most have ended it. With every picture I post, I am resurrecting that joy and optimism within me.
Here's to reclamation of self.
It's about time!
fin.
for pictures, I'd like you to check out my instagram: PharmICEistJoh
My most recent project is called The Art of Blight. I walk/ride around New Orleans and find areas of the city abandoned by its inhabitants - some from the devastation left behind by Hurricane Katrina. Others, due to a myriad of causes that have allowed paint colors to fade, fixtures to crack and break and foundations to fold under the dominant pressure of time and the elements. And yet, I've allowed myself to find beauty in it all.
I recall on a trip to Egypt when I decided to embrace the local culture and found insurmountable beauty in the downtrodden smiles of the local homeless beggars. Or when I strayed away from the Puerto Rican resort to make the uncomfortable encounter with locals who lived on a weekly allowance less than a days pay of work. Even in this, I was able to find overwhelming beauty and passion. It's the idea of smiling through it all!
This inspired me then and I am reclaiming it now. Each and every house tells a story. I hope to capture this story at a place where most have ended it. With every picture I post, I am resurrecting that joy and optimism within me.
Here's to reclamation of self.
It's about time!
fin.
for pictures, I'd like you to check out my instagram: PharmICEistJoh
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