The Reflection of my Tears

Have you ever tried to bottle up your tears? It's an almost impossible feat. Yet, with the many facets of life, the fact that tears fall from your eyes is no coincidence at all. 

Joy and sadness reside there. So too, do anguish, fatigue, surprise, and happiness. But with eyes, so fragile, having witnessed all that God has blessed us with, they eventually need a release. WE need a release. 

Recently, I denied my eyes their freedom, enslaved them selfishly to hold on to the memory of one who I had so affectionately called "Pops." He was my spiritual father, my mentor, an older version of my younger self. We had similar struggles, battles that only God-provided mentorship and guidance would alleviate. It was in him that I was able to take the longest looks in the mirror and find joy, hope, and glory amidst all my lies, self-hate, doubt, and pretense. Pops helped me to become a man - of God. And my watery eyes told the story. 

It was a story I was not at all willing to share with this world, escapism at its best. I wouldn't release him until I had to, until I had the closure I needed, yet, dreaded. See, I had grown somewhat accustomed to Pops' presence. I depended on him for so much. But in the end, God reminded me why I am strong - why Pops was placed in my life in the first place. It was to his Glory, to his end. Pops was simply a vessel. And while I believe God's gift was fatherly love through the man that Pops was to me, he reminded me through our last correspondence that our relationship was only (physically) temporary. I could keep the love, but I had to let go of the man. 

And so tears came. They flowed. In a harsh outburst. Runaway slaves from an emotional captivity. Initially, I felt like I was abandoning him. But the relief I felt reassured me that I was indeed holding onto the memories but letting go of the physical. 

In those tears was freedom. Freedom to grow, to thrive, to be the legacy of greatness that God ordained and that Pops left behind. They cleansed my eyes, figuratively and literally, so that I could see clearly God's purpose in all of this. 

I released him in those tears so that I could honor him with a clear vision. 

So, I've decided never again to hold onto tears - even inasmuch as it helps temporarily. I can see now. A new day of clarity excites me. I look forward to all that God is preparing me for. 

fin.