usually I love Thursdays.
but this one, I'm just not sure about.
i want so badly to start speaking greatness into the atmosphere today but I just don't feel great. I feel annoyed, stifled and ignored.
i pray things get better. Until then, I'll just fake it.
i really need a vacation or a guy's getaway.
fin.
Thursday, October 23, 2014
Friday, October 17, 2014
God's Grace
Today I'm thankful for God opening my eyes to his hand working to provide the increase in my life. It's pretty astounding, actually.
This is what happened: I prayed and asked The Father to open a door for me to be able to provide for my family. I decided to do my part and initiate some action that would align me with opportunity. NO SOONER than I did that, God came through with open doors.
I'm sure this has happened in my life time and time again. However, THIS TIME, I witnessed it for exactly what it was. And I'm thankful about it.
God is great. I pray that everyone can witness and recognize his love in such a way!
fin.
This is what happened: I prayed and asked The Father to open a door for me to be able to provide for my family. I decided to do my part and initiate some action that would align me with opportunity. NO SOONER than I did that, God came through with open doors.
I'm sure this has happened in my life time and time again. However, THIS TIME, I witnessed it for exactly what it was. And I'm thankful about it.
God is great. I pray that everyone can witness and recognize his love in such a way!
fin.
Tuesday, October 14, 2014
Break Time....
Its fairly cyclic for me. I start to get dissatisfied (and even annoyed, maybe) by everything New Orleans and everybody here. This discontentment seems to invade my mind to such a degree that I would plan a random trip out of the state (and sometimes, country) in order to re-energize and reboot. But that hasn't happened for me in quite some time. I'm in school - my last year - but the guilt associated with leaving town has only been diminished by a long break like Thanksgiving or Christmas. Other than that, I really haven't left New Orleans.
I need to get away!
It's called the "state of the Sagittarius." We are natural adventurers, childlike in our pursuit of explorative fun and mystery. As we grow, we find ways of squelching our desires in order to function in the real world. But the desire never truly dies. It just lays dormant until times like this - WHEN I JUST NEED TO GET AWAY.
School afforded me a couple opportunities to go to Puerto Rico and Hawaii, both of which were amazing and far enough away that I felt revitalized and ready to return to crazy NOLA.
With such a lull in travel, I'm really starting to feel it. I get overwhelmed by the feeling that all I do is work. My mind begins to focus on the thousand responsibilities I have which then makes me anxious. In the past, I've become crabby. But now, instead, I just shut my emotions down as to not come off like a jerk. But the feeling is real to me. And all I want is a break.
I'm on Fall Break now and it feels like anything but that. I wish I could have gone to visit my sister or hopped on a megabus to Atlanta to visit friends there.
blah.
I'm trying to make the best of it. I know this post sounds pretty pessimistic but I really can't help how I feel right now.
The good news is that, in order to be productive, my mind will make sense of it all and refocus. So the feelings will go away and I'll be back to going through the motions.
It's just right now..... Man!
I need to get away!
It's called the "state of the Sagittarius." We are natural adventurers, childlike in our pursuit of explorative fun and mystery. As we grow, we find ways of squelching our desires in order to function in the real world. But the desire never truly dies. It just lays dormant until times like this - WHEN I JUST NEED TO GET AWAY.
School afforded me a couple opportunities to go to Puerto Rico and Hawaii, both of which were amazing and far enough away that I felt revitalized and ready to return to crazy NOLA.
With such a lull in travel, I'm really starting to feel it. I get overwhelmed by the feeling that all I do is work. My mind begins to focus on the thousand responsibilities I have which then makes me anxious. In the past, I've become crabby. But now, instead, I just shut my emotions down as to not come off like a jerk. But the feeling is real to me. And all I want is a break.
I'm on Fall Break now and it feels like anything but that. I wish I could have gone to visit my sister or hopped on a megabus to Atlanta to visit friends there.
blah.
I'm trying to make the best of it. I know this post sounds pretty pessimistic but I really can't help how I feel right now.
The good news is that, in order to be productive, my mind will make sense of it all and refocus. So the feelings will go away and I'll be back to going through the motions.
It's just right now..... Man!
Saturday, October 11, 2014
New Friends
"No New Friends" is a song that has become the mantra for so many people today. I see it on my social media. I hear it at gatherings. It's all over the place. People everywhere are celebrating the fact that their friend groups are strong, loyal, trustworthy. I find myself sitting here wondering had I kept my friend group, I would have totally neglected my loyalty to myself. To my ability to grow and change as a human being. To being true to the person I am today - my values and my character.
And yet, in giving up those toxic relationships, I find myself the in a weird spot. Free from fake friendships but then absent of friends. I've never been the type of person who has been codependent in that way but I realize how much I miss the good times I've shared with my friends.
In having dinner with an old friend, I realized how much I missed having the ear of a friend. Just to sit there and talk, get feedback and feel that interaction allowed me to see that I was missing out on an essential part of the human experience. Sometimes, I just need to vent frustration. Other times, I need the outsider's point of view that will allow me to open my mind to make that paradigm shift. I have a good friend that provides me with that but there are realities of his life and mine that limit the friendship. I've accepted these limitations but it still leaves me at a loss with regards to what my needs are in that way.
So I've released myself of old friends, their habits, and their lives. I wish them well but I had to open space in my heart for new, genuine friends.
So my mantra is "New Friends!" Not a slew but just a tight knit group who has my best interest at heart, that is concerned with seeing everything I'm a part of be successful. Do those people still exist out there? I won't give up on God's ability to bring them into my life. So I guess in the meantime, I'll just have to be patient.
If God has blessed you with a best friend, be thankful for him/her. it's a rarity and a gem to have.
Be in prayer for me. Please.
fin.
And yet, in giving up those toxic relationships, I find myself the in a weird spot. Free from fake friendships but then absent of friends. I've never been the type of person who has been codependent in that way but I realize how much I miss the good times I've shared with my friends.
In having dinner with an old friend, I realized how much I missed having the ear of a friend. Just to sit there and talk, get feedback and feel that interaction allowed me to see that I was missing out on an essential part of the human experience. Sometimes, I just need to vent frustration. Other times, I need the outsider's point of view that will allow me to open my mind to make that paradigm shift. I have a good friend that provides me with that but there are realities of his life and mine that limit the friendship. I've accepted these limitations but it still leaves me at a loss with regards to what my needs are in that way.
So I've released myself of old friends, their habits, and their lives. I wish them well but I had to open space in my heart for new, genuine friends.
So my mantra is "New Friends!" Not a slew but just a tight knit group who has my best interest at heart, that is concerned with seeing everything I'm a part of be successful. Do those people still exist out there? I won't give up on God's ability to bring them into my life. So I guess in the meantime, I'll just have to be patient.
If God has blessed you with a best friend, be thankful for him/her. it's a rarity and a gem to have.
Be in prayer for me. Please.
fin.
Sunday, August 24, 2014
My prayer....
My prayer above all things is for happiness. That my mind be tuned to things that are positive and healthy so that happiness can follow. That I might play an active role in perpetuating my own personal good will. It's indeed my struggle. Right now. But I pray that one day God will answer this prayer.
fin.
fin.
Tuesday, August 5, 2014
Finding Beauty in All Things
As cliche as it is, I've started a project that allows me to get back to a part of me that I lost some time ago. I'm reclaiming the undying optimist, the part of me that fights for the good that I know exists in all of God's creatures and things.
My most recent project is called The Art of Blight. I walk/ride around New Orleans and find areas of the city abandoned by its inhabitants - some from the devastation left behind by Hurricane Katrina. Others, due to a myriad of causes that have allowed paint colors to fade, fixtures to crack and break and foundations to fold under the dominant pressure of time and the elements. And yet, I've allowed myself to find beauty in it all.
I recall on a trip to Egypt when I decided to embrace the local culture and found insurmountable beauty in the downtrodden smiles of the local homeless beggars. Or when I strayed away from the Puerto Rican resort to make the uncomfortable encounter with locals who lived on a weekly allowance less than a days pay of work. Even in this, I was able to find overwhelming beauty and passion. It's the idea of smiling through it all!
This inspired me then and I am reclaiming it now. Each and every house tells a story. I hope to capture this story at a place where most have ended it. With every picture I post, I am resurrecting that joy and optimism within me.
Here's to reclamation of self.
It's about time!
fin.
for pictures, I'd like you to check out my instagram: PharmICEistJoh
My most recent project is called The Art of Blight. I walk/ride around New Orleans and find areas of the city abandoned by its inhabitants - some from the devastation left behind by Hurricane Katrina. Others, due to a myriad of causes that have allowed paint colors to fade, fixtures to crack and break and foundations to fold under the dominant pressure of time and the elements. And yet, I've allowed myself to find beauty in it all.
I recall on a trip to Egypt when I decided to embrace the local culture and found insurmountable beauty in the downtrodden smiles of the local homeless beggars. Or when I strayed away from the Puerto Rican resort to make the uncomfortable encounter with locals who lived on a weekly allowance less than a days pay of work. Even in this, I was able to find overwhelming beauty and passion. It's the idea of smiling through it all!
This inspired me then and I am reclaiming it now. Each and every house tells a story. I hope to capture this story at a place where most have ended it. With every picture I post, I am resurrecting that joy and optimism within me.
Here's to reclamation of self.
It's about time!
fin.
for pictures, I'd like you to check out my instagram: PharmICEistJoh
Monday, August 4, 2014
A Calling
I listened to a clip of a sermon by Bishop T. D. Jakes today that literally shook the foundation from under me - it was just that powerful. I actually could feel tears accumulate in the pockets of my eyes. Something about knowing that God has called you to do something great in his name just becomes so hard to conceptualize by it feels simply amazing.
Here's the link:
I don't know what God has called me for but I know it's something big. In offering a bit of clarity, I'm not at all looking for the glory. But how outstanding is it to know that God has chosen somebody like me to do his work?
My Pops would tell me "Son, don't question 'why' the Father chose you. Instead, think 'why not me'" So, it's with that confidence, standing in God's glory for my life, that I take up this cross and bear it.
Will I make mistakes? Absolutely. If nothing else, marriage has shown me how to humble myself to the idea of messing up. My saving grace is that God paired me with someone who truly understands forgiveness - so I make it out of mistakes pretty well.
Will I stray? I hope not. But I am human and I am stubborn. My faith walk isn't nearly as narrow as I'd like it to be but I am farther along this journey than when I started.
The words still resound as I type this: God didn't make a mistake when he called you....
My, my, my....
fin.
Here's the link:
I don't know what God has called me for but I know it's something big. In offering a bit of clarity, I'm not at all looking for the glory. But how outstanding is it to know that God has chosen somebody like me to do his work?
My Pops would tell me "Son, don't question 'why' the Father chose you. Instead, think 'why not me'" So, it's with that confidence, standing in God's glory for my life, that I take up this cross and bear it.
Will I make mistakes? Absolutely. If nothing else, marriage has shown me how to humble myself to the idea of messing up. My saving grace is that God paired me with someone who truly understands forgiveness - so I make it out of mistakes pretty well.
Will I stray? I hope not. But I am human and I am stubborn. My faith walk isn't nearly as narrow as I'd like it to be but I am farther along this journey than when I started.
The words still resound as I type this: God didn't make a mistake when he called you....
My, my, my....
fin.
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